Working for a Living

This week I begin a new, temporary, chapter in my life. Working full time outside the home. I was a single mother for over 10 years, I am not in unfamiliar territory. I hated it then and I hate it now. But, my mother needed surgery and wouldn't get it unless she felt things were handled and her boss trusts me, so I have agreed to do her job for six weeks.

We need money, it's true and this is a good opportunity to keep my skills fresh. (I am learning Windows 8. Yay) The most important thing is that I'm helping out my mom though. I wouldn't do it otherwise. It is simply not worth it to (as my husband dramatically puts it) let "the institution" raise my child. After I pay daycare, I have very little money left and that's going to gas, clothing and easy to prepare meals. What little is left has debts waiting for it.

Mothers who work outside the home like to sneer at mothers who stay home with their children and say "I do everything you do, plus I work full time." But the truth is they don't, I didn't before and I can't now. They make enough money to pay someone else to do what stay at home moms do all day.

Right now I am paying $41 a day for someone else to supervise, entertain and teach my child. And no, I don't think they can do it better than me. Yesterday was story time at the Library and we missed it because I had to be at the office. Tonight, I paid someone else to make Chinese food which I dropped off at home, along with my toddler to my teenager who babysat (that is, played Super Smash Bros on his DS in the same room while the toddler watched Toy Story) while I ran out to train a dog(because I still have to do my job too). I got home in time to catch the tail end of bath time with daddy and give little man a kiss goodnight, run through the week's schedule with teen man, make sure I still have three ducks, do the dishes and finally settle into the desk chair to check email and throw my angst at a hasty blog post.

Tomorrow is parent teacher conferences at the High School, the next day is Parent night at the Technical Center, so those evenings will run similarly to this evening. Unless I decide to skip Parent Teacher Conferences. I could do that... He's only in two classes at the High School and they are both variations on Gym...

You see. I've been a working mom 2 days and I already don't do the things I did as a stay at home mom.

Usually, I clean out the duck's crate daily and take the poo-soaked newspaper out to the garden and turn it into mulch. This whole process takes about a half hour. Today I didn't even collect the eggs until I was ready to put the ducks back in for the night and I just tossed clean newspaper on top of the old stuff. Wow, I am going to have to start giving away eggs because I don't have time to bake or make breakfast from scratch anymore!

Bread. Crackers. Cookies. Muffins. You can buy them if you don't have time to bake. Who knows what's in them? Is it even food? They sure cost a lot more. Yes, paying other people to do what  you don't.

I have not seen my garden in daylight since Sunday. I do not expect to do so again till Saturday. If there is anything ripe out there, something else is going to eat it. I hope it's the ducks. I hope the ducks eat my weeds. I hope nobody eats my ducks while they're all unsupervised out there all day every day.

I wish I could afford a housekeeper.

Transitions always suck for me.

But this will be a grand experiment. You see, in my memory, being a working mom was easier than being a stay-at-home mom. My house was as clean as I left it when I got home (of course I didn't have teenagers at home, just kids in school and daycare all day) and I didn't have to think of ways to entertain and mentally stimulate my kids. They got all that stuff at school and daycare and all the time I spent with them (about 3 hours a day) could be just us time. I cooked dinner, we ate dinner, we cleaned up dinner, we got ready for bed. At home I decompressed from work. At work I decompressed from home. I had work friends. My kids had school friends. I didn't have to arrange play groups or get along with their friends moms. I just had to occasionally nod and look appropriately concerned as the school or daycare people told me what terrible thing my kid had been up to that day. Nobody expected me to volunteer for anything or make snacks, because the stay at home moms had that covered and they all knew I wasn't one of them.

But what was I talking about? Oh yes! This is an experiment to explore the question: Which is easier, staying at home or working outside the home? I'll do it for science.

What I'm worried about though is how this will affect my son. For six weeks he will be in daycare from 8am to 6pm every day. And then it'll stop and he'll go back to once a week. How weird is that going to be? I am thinking it might be better to just keep working full time and keep him in daycare/pre-school, but the jobs advertised in my area are $8-10 per day. Since daycare is $40 per day, I'm not sure it's worth it. Something to chew on/research over the next six weeks.

Enough with the Fat Shaming

As a fat person with a rather healthy lifestyle, I am tired of the assumptions made about fat people. People look at a fat person and assume that that person is fat because he or she lives a lazy, gluttonous lifestyle and therefore has earned her fat and thus has no right to be respected. That he or she should just take it when they are ridiculed for dressing comfortably at the beach, or going to the beach at all. Or openly laughed at when her butt or stomach jiggles when she's jogging down the street. This is okay. Because obviously it is within everyone's reach to be thin. Obviously fat people are just slovenly and so deserve our disrespect. Right?

Making assumptions about fat girls (and boys) is just as wrong as making assumptions about skinny girls (and boys). You know, like that they're anorexic or bulimic. Or that they've had "work done". The fact is, most skinny people I know are very fond of cake and beer and all of those other things that fat people are assumed to indulge in. And most skinny people I know have sedentary lifestyles, or get a good portion of their exercise at the nightclub rather than the gym.

Personally, I believe that I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. I cook from scratch, garden, take regular walks in the woods and downtown (pushing a stroller) and I am a huge fan of Yoga. I also meditate daily. I drink green tea. I do not drink soda, diet or otherwise, except for medicinal purposes (it's great for nausea and that scratchy allergy season throat) and then, I wouldn't be able to finish a can if I wanted to. Gross. I despise most junk food and the texture of white bread, white rice and cake makes me gag.

Why am I fat? I don't know exactly. I've been to the doctor and had some tests, but the migraines and the fibromyalgia kept distracting her and finally everything got too expensive and I had to stop. I know have a wonky thyroid that is sometimes high and sometimes low. You'd think it would balance itself out. But it doesn't. The cure? To KILL my thyroid with RADIATION and take synthetic thyroid hormones orally for the rest of my life. That is something I'm going to have to think long and hard about and discuss with another doctor after my shiny new Obamacare kicks in. (Yea, I signed up since my husband got called back to work. Starts in September. Costs about the same with a lower deductible and more things are covered.)

But my mother is fat, my grandmother, grandfather and great-grandmother, all fat. I do have one skinny uncle. And a skinny sister. (She isn't even fat when she's pregnant!!!) I also have a chubby sister and a couple of chubby uncles. My husband who works 10 hours a day in a cubical farm is skinny. He usually takes leftovers from home for lunch, but he eats out or orders in with his coworkers very often. He also spends most of his weekends at the bar, eating bar food and drinking beer. (He's a professional musician.) Yet he weighs 50 pounds less than I do. His parents and siblings are also skinny.

Judging from these completely unscientific observations, diet and activity don't have shit to do with weight. (<- That's sarcasm, by the way. I know it's hard to tell in print.)

When Dear Abby tells a woman who asks her how to deal with her mom's fat shaming to stop being so comfortable in her own fat and lose it, I'm a little pissed at Dear Abbey. How does Dear Abby know why this girl is fat or at what stage of fat she's in? Is she on her way up, is she on her way down? Has she struggled with it for years before finally being able to accept that this is just the way her body falls? She obviously enjoys swimming so she's more physically active than the majority of America. I'm sorry, some people are just naturally bigger than others. Some have bigger boobs ( Boobs are made of fat, you know), some have bigger hips, some have bigger thighs. Me, I have a big belly.

Those healthy weight charts the doctors have in their offices also make no sense. They don't take into account how much muscle someone has and I'm convinced some people have heavier bones than others too. Once upon a time got really sick for awhile and my weight dropped to 130 pounds. I was well within my "ideal" weight and my doctor would have probably been thrilled had I been able to see her (I was uninsured and lacking an advocate at the time). But I looked like hell. Everyone commented on it. People thought I was on drugs. You could count my ribs at a distance and my shoulder bones looked really weird. I looked like a walking corpse. But I was well within my healthy weight zone. I think my "ideal" weight is probably closer to 150-160, but my doctor would call that obese. (it's still about 30 pounds out for me though)

I am going to end this ramble now because it's late and I should be asleep and I am having trouble organizing my thoughts at this point. I leave you with a picture of a fat girl pole dancing. I don't know if you've ever tried pole dancing, but that is something that needs some serious core strength and muscle control. This woman works out and she works hard and she is my hero of the day.

Post by Follow GhettoVines.

Pain

Women/mothers/ladies do not complain. Ladies have responsibilities to others. Ladies do not eat/bathe/dress/rest until everyone else is fed/clean/clothed/resting. Ladies do not let a little thing like pain slow them down. Women who came before us suffered long and hard to overcome a reputation as the "weaker" sex. Any sign of weakness discredits their efforts. Everyone suffers. Everyone deals. Complaining is rude. This is how I was raised.

But today, for now, after a long, tough weekend of smiling through pain; working on household projects, visiting, entertaining (cleaning and cooking in preparation for entertaining) I am going to take a moment and I am going to complain. About pain.

Everyone has it. People just deal. If other people can do it, you can. Quit sniveling. Or maybe your threshold is just way lower than the average person? Or maybe you're weak. Or maybe you just like to whine. For attention maybe?

I have two chronic pain conditions. Chronic migraine and Fibromyalgia. I cannot always afford treatment. Right now my pre-Obamacare medical bills are so crippling that I can't afford the co-pay to visit a doctor with my current insurance, so this is one of those times. This weekend I did not suffer migraine. I did suffer Fibromyalgia pain. All weekend. And I tried, I really tried, not to be a crabby bitch and I hope for my family's sake that I succeeded.

Let me tell you about Fibromyalgia pain: It is like no other pain. It is kind of like the pain you feel in all your joints when you are wracked with fever and chills. Or that ache in your joints as you thaw out after you've been benumbed with cold. (This is perhaps why I sometimes feel cold when it is in me, even though I'm not cold at all.) But it's not in the joints. It's near the joints. But not in them, really. And unlike these pains, it doesn't feel better when you apply heat or cold or massage. It feels worse.

It is something like the pain of a bruise, but not entirely. It's more like what you think a bruise would feel like if you didn't actually have one to compare it too. I dropped a 2x4 on my food the other day and have a nice black bruise with which to perform this experiment. Both spots hurt. They hurt more when you poke them, but not quite the same.

For one, the bruise is just one spot. Fibromyalgia is in a bunch of spots. Like an ugly invisible pain rash. 

Fibromyalgia pain is something like a sunburn. Sometimes there is even a bit of skin sting, the sort that makes even putting on a shirt excruciating, but mostly it's like that under the skin sting you have when you have a bad sunburn. It's usually in a sunburn spot too. My back and and my shoulders and even my scalp (My hair hurts! It feels so heavy on my aching scalp. I want to shave it off. I wish I could go to the barber and get it cut properly but I can't afford it. Maybe I will just take the clippers the boys use and shave it right off.)

And also in my neck, but in a very different way. Like the tendons there are straining. Like my head is too heavy to hold up and move around. Like it's too much of a burden for my neck. (When I have a migraine too this is especially fun and I think how nice it would be if I could figure out how to remove the damn thing.)

But also my legs. They feel so tired. I can't carry my kicking/screaming/doesn't-want-to-go-to-bed child all the way from the firepit to the bedroom without stopping to rest three times and finally asking my husband to take over. My legs were screaming. Like the muscles were overworked, fatigued, abused. 

It's not that I'm out of shape. Well, maybe a little. But I carry this kid around all the time. Just a few weeks ago, on a good day, I spent a whole day turning sod with a shovel and barely broke a sweat. Last weekend, when it wasn't a holiday and nobody expected anything from me, we spent the weekend exploring our nearest town. Window shopping, chatting up locals. And just last Thursday my 2 year old and I went on a 2 mile hike at Kensington Metropark (and saw the herons nesting, very cool). 

It's not that I'm weak. I regularly help a 200+ pound stroke victim in and out of bed/chair/shower/etc. I regularly move furniture around, lift boxes and lumber, etc.

It's not that I'm impatient. My clients remark upon my patience. I garden. I bake bread. I parent. I train animals. You can't do those things without patience.

But this weekend, today even. All those lovely fibro days, I am impatient. Apathetic. Weak. Out of shape. Grumpy. Irritable. Depressed. Short fused. Whiney. All those things.

Those things that ladies are not.

The house is not clean. I feel as if it never will be again. The baby gets to eat cereal for breakfast and run around in nothing but a diaper (it's hot. why not). The husband eats peanut butter and jelly of his own making for lunch. The cat is out of the fence and pestering the neighbor's dog and I don't care. When my son comes home and gripes at me for letting his cat out, I will probably snap at him and say something rude doubting the necessity of the cat in our household anyway. We're out of bread. I guess I'll just tell the husband to pick some up because it's not baking itself. I don't even think I want to shower or get dressed. I'd have to corral the baby first. 

Sometimes I give him the Kindle and let him watch Youtube videos in my bed while I snuggle next to him and doze. 

For hours.

So much guilt.

Sometimes I have this fantasy, and it's martyrish so it's relatively guilt-free. In it, I don't have migraine or fibromyalgia but some sort of brain cancer and I die. And this is a GOOD THING because I have life insurance. Enough to pay off all of my medical bills and other debts (except for the mortgage and student loans, the latter would go away and the former isn't such a big deal) and with the money my husband doesn't have to pay for my medical bills, he could pay for a nanny AND put money away for retirement. I can afford to die. I just can't afford to be sick.

I have learned to prevent migraines. I wear these huge obnoxious full spectrum sunglasses that cost me almost $30 every time I leave the house during the day. They are terribly scratched up so that I can barely see out of them but I can't afford to replace them and I can't afford to let the sun hit my retinas and put me down for two days, so I still wear them. I never eat more than 5 almonds at a sitting or half a grapefruit and no kiwi at all because I know these things will trigger a migraine. Sometimes I still get them, even when I did everything right, but I still feel like I have some measure of control there.

Fibromyalgia though is a mystery to me. I can't figure out how to prevent attacks. I can't correlate them with anything else except an overwhelming sense of misery and dread. It controls my life. I squeeze what I can into good days and lay around miserable on bad days, promising myself I'll get to whatever it is on a better day. 

It has come to mirror a sort of bipolar disorder.

On a good day I go manic, with the desperation of someone who knows her time is short. I will scrub the house from top to bottom. It will reek of lavender oil and vinegar mingled with the scent of baking. The garden will be weeded. The websites will be full of new posts, updates, etc. I will even write posts that will go out in the future. Because I know that soon there will be no time for posts. No time for anything but self-pity. And I will be happy they are there. I will make huge meals and freeze them, for the same reason. I am delighted with emails, posts on forums, whatever they are. I answer them cheerfully. Even if they're critical because I know that all feedback is good feedback and I am striving to improve. Yes, I can do that for you. Is there anything else you need? I am available to you. I want to help you. I like to help you. My time is yours. If I had money, you could have that too.

On a bad day, I just lay here. Everyone eats cereal. I don't care. I am pain. I can't understand you, you're talking too fast. You want something from me, don't you? Well forget it. Just go away. You're too loud.

I hate those websites. I dread checking my emails because they will make me feel shitty. I know some ungrateful idiot is going to be asking me questions he could have answered himself just by doing a quick search of the site I worked so hard on. Or they want to complain that I got something wrong at the Witchipedia or put too much personal information on PaganMichigan. Screw them. They can edit those pages their damn selves. It's open friggin source. It was never supposed to be just me. I ask for help monthly and nobody wants to help. They just want to complain. Screw them. Screw the whole damn community. Someone wants me to give them a Pagan name, but can't be bothered to fill out the whole questionnaire: well screw them then. Nobody. not one person. Not once has ever Paypal-ed me a tip, and only one has ever emailed me back to say "thank you" so why should I bother. Obviously, nobody likes the names I send them. I suck. They suck. The whole damn Pagan world wants everyone to give them everything for free. I hurt. I am pain. I can't afford a doctor and I don't have the right medicine. I hate everyone who doesn't hurt. I hate everyone who can go to the doctor. I hate everyone and their ridiculous first world problems. I hate everyone who can think clearly enough to ask a stupid question.  Whey are they bothering me after all I give them. For free. Without ever asking anything in return. Not that they'd give anything. 

Ugh. Who is this! This isn't me!!!

This is Pain. It has made me less of a Lady. It has made me less of a person. I don't like who I am when I am Pain.

My life is rain and making hay while the sun shines. The worse the rainstorm, the more desperate the haymaking...

I am two different people. So vastly vastly different. I am pain and I am joy. I am apathy and I am generosity. I am graciousness and I am resentment. I am friendly and I am suspicious. I am the one who gets things done and the one who doesn't do shit. I am a giver. I am a hater. Sometimes I do not know me. Sometimes I do not like me. Sometimes I wonder how other people could stand to be around me, how anyone could love me. Sometimes I am sure no one does because they don't care enough when I am hurting. They don't offer to help.  (But I am not supposed to think this last bit. That is not how I was raised. And now I have guilt.)

My Views on Minimum Wage

My daughter is a big advocate of raising the minimum wage to $11 from its current rate of $7.40 here in Michigan. I believe she is such a big advocate because she and her boyfriend make minimum wage. She only has one job. He has 3. They do okay. They could do better.

Because she feels so passionately about the subject, I am forced to think about it often and the subject is starting to grow on me. I may have felt more passionate about it when she was little when I did work minimum wage and never had less than 2 jobs as the primary caretaker for two children who might have wanted to hang out with me once in awhile. But then I didn't have time to think about things like that. And now it is to me more a matter of logic than one of emotion. Allow me to demonstrate.

If you make minimum wage, and you work 40 hours a week (in my experience this does not happen often because employers who can't be bothered to pay their employees a living wage also don't want to call them "full time" with any sort of benefits to go along with that status), you will earn about $250 a week, after taxes. Possibly less if you have no dependents, but we're going to work with that number because it's nice and round. If you're working in a month with 4 weeks, that's $1000 per month ($1,184 gross). Another nice round number. Let's take that number and play with it a bit.
(I admit I suck at math, but I'm going to do this anyway)

On a side note, I would like to point out that the poverty threshold in Michigan government for a single person household with no dependents is $11,344 and benefits are available to those earning up to 150% of poverty or $17,016 which pretty much qualifies all minimum wage workers to government benefits. Someone would have to earn $8.87 per hour and work full time to exceed this limit. So logic dictates that the minimum wage should be at least $8.87 per hour.

I truly believe that employers who rely on the government to feed their full-time employees is the greatest drain we have on our society today and it's really a pity that legislation has to be considered to put an end to it. But I digress. As usual.

Let's begin.

Here in Michigan you can get a decent 1 bedroom apartment for about $450, a two bedroom for $700 and lot rent in a trailer park is about $400. The income to housing payment guidelines used by most landlords in reviewing rental applications is 30%. That's $355 for someone making minimum wage. That means that a full-time minimum wage earner cannot even qualify for a one bedroom apartment. And let's say that the landlord lets it slide and rents them a $450 one-bedroom apartment anyway.

After rent, said minimum-wage earner will have $550 left. I'm going to be generous and assume that the landlord pays for heat, water and garbage pickup. Chances are electricity will not be included. Now I pay about $200 per month for electricity, despite my many energy saving schemes, but I have a big house with lots of people in it and lots of electronics that I don't think my single minimum wage earner can afford, so let's figure he pays about $75 per month in electricity. He'll need a phone, whether it's a cellphone or a house phone, for safety reasons at the very least, so let's say he's frugal and that'll be about $50 per month. We're at $425. And I believe I'm being very conservative with my estimates.

Let's say our guy is a pretty good cook and buys real food, spending about $50 per week. I can't believe he has a garden because of the nature of his apartment so he'll have to buy all of his food. I hope he doesn't live in Detroit, because I hear food is really expensive there. So now we're at $225 per month. Of course I am assuming he isn't getting his food from the government or a food pantry.

Not bad. But I'm going to assume he has a car so he can get to his job. That's what? $50 per month in gas, assuming he was lucky enough to get an apartment close to work and about $100 per month for insurance. We'll assume the car was a gift and he doesn't have to pay a monthly payment on it. We're at $75 now.

So, what can you buy for $75?

• An internet connection OR cable (not both). - But not a TV or computer.
• An outfit OR a pair of shoes (not both) I hope he doesn't have to pay for his own uniforms. I hope he's really a he and doesn't have to buy bras too.
• Oh wait, I didn't count things like toilet paper, razers, soap, dish soap, laundry soap, toothpaste...
• Maybe a chair or a mattress from the Salvation Army
• Some car maintenance, as long as nothing actually needs fixing.
• Oh man, I didn't count his health insurance either. Well, maybe he won't get sick. He probably doesn't get paid time off anyway. Oh wait, he probably qualifies for state assistance. No worries then.
• I hope he's got good teeth and doesn't need glasses
• About 12 hours of daycare. It's a good thing this guy doesn't have any kids. But no worries, if he did, the government would pay for his daycare at a substandard rate.

Now let's assume the same guy makes the new proposed minimum wage of $11 per hour and has the exact same expenses. (I actually find $11 per hour a little high, but I'm going with it anyway.) I'll even put him in a higher tax bracket and leave him with $1500 per month.
That leaves him with $725. Oh wait, he doesn't qualify for state health insurance anymore so let's get him a nice health plan and knock it down to $525

So, what can you buy for $525?

• Both internet and cable
• An outfit, complete with bra and shoes and a haircut and a mani-pedi
• A trip to the Dentist
• A new pair of glasses
• A date
• A night out with the boys
• A complete bedroom set from the Salvation Army or a few nice pieces from your neighborhood furniture store
• A car payment on a new, safe car
• Or some repairs on your old car
• A class or two at a local college
• About two weeks of pre-school, if he had a kid, which he doesn't, of course.

More importantly, what does this give the community?

• He's no longer getting government funds and he's paying more taxes, potentially lower taxes for the rest of us or maybe those taxes would be spent on other things, like education, potholes, parks and mental health services.
• More income from more customer activity for his local internet and cable company, clothing store, doctor, dentist, eye doctor, restaurant, bar, theater, furniture store, auto mechanic and college and potentially many more.
• A more well-educated neighbor and potential employee.
• A neighbor who is less likely to resort to illegal activity to get by- people who are well educated are less likely to commit violent crimes as are people who are well-fed. 
• A neighbor who is driving a car that is safer and less likely to malfunction and cause an accident you might be the victim of.
• A healthier neighbor, less likely to spread disease when you visit his workplace or he visits yours.

But wait! I know there are so many arguments against raising the minimum wage. Arguments that look like these:

1. Minimum wage jobs are mainly for teenagers anyway.
If this were true, MacDonald's wouldn't be open during school hours.

Besides, any employer would rather hire an adult over a teenager. Teenagers are notoriously unreliable and have a reputation for not taking their jobs seriously.

Also, many places have policies against hiring anyone under 18 for liability reasons. If you work with animals, chemicals, alcohol, certain machinery (slicers), you don't get the job if you're under 18 because employers don't want your mommy suing them when you lose a finger. (And of course the law requires that you be over 18 to sell alcohol).

2. Well college kids then.
Really? In the above example, our minimum-wage-earner has no dream of going to college on that income unless he takes out a butt load of loans and spends the rest of his life in debt. No, grant is ever going to cover everything unless you're some sort of sports star.

When I was in college full time and getting financial aid in the form of grants, loans and the workstudy program I still had to work an additional minimum wage job AND I got foodstamps and medicaid. And guess who is paying $200 a month for the rest of her life for the privilege of doing so. (I will NEVER recommend anyone take out student loans. Ever.)

Any employer who expects his employees to rely on the government for their livelihood is screwing the entire country. Not just his employees.

3. These are all "stepping stone" jobs. Nobody expects them to be a career.
Why does this have to be true? It doesn't. These jobs require specialized skills and special personalities to do them well. Some people are really good at retail and food service jobs and find that they really enjoy doing them. These are the people you want to keep. You keep them by paying them a living wage.

Unfortunately, if you're really good at a job and you can't make ends meet doing it, you are forced to seek employment elsewhere. There are TONS of mediocre cubical dwellers who would make excellent grill masters, cashiers, kennel workers, and retail associates if only they could make enough money to eat doing what they love. Instead they're stuck doing something they can only put half effort into while the jobs they'd love to do are filled with people who would do anything to get out.

Wouldn't it be better for everyone if people worked at the drive through because they love working at the drive through and worked in the office because they love working in the office?

Imagine a world where the guy you buy your pizza from LOVES making pizza and spends his free time perfecting his kneading technique. And the lady who sells you shoes LOVES shoes and spends her free time researching the latest fashions and fitting methods. And the person who takes care of your dog at the kennel loves working at the kennel, has been there for years and knows you and your dog by name. And you can always depend on them to be there because they're earning a living wage.

Instead we have a world where these people must sadly turn away from jobs they love to work at jobs they hate just so they can make ends meet and they are replaced by people who only took their beloved job because they "couldn't find anything better".

I hated working in an office at $18 per hour and loved picking up poop for minimum wage. If I could pick up poop for say $12 per hour, I'd do it forever. I really would. But I can't afford to pay daycare so that I can pick up poop for minimum wage, so I don't do it. Wouldn't  you rather I took care of your dog, (which I'm good at) rather than handling your sensitive documents (which I suck at and hate)? Instead you've got someone who doesn't know the first thing about dogs working at the kennel "until something better comes along".

4. If we raise minimum wage, employers will have to fire people
This may be true in the short term, but I am sure it'll all balance out. Remember that guy in our example who couldn't even afford an outfit and a pair of shoes at the current minimum wage who also hit the salon at the proposed new minimum wage?

It's true that some employers won't be able to pay all of their employees if the minimum wage goes up. But very soon some employers will find that demand for their products have increased dramatically due to a larger percentage of people who can afford them in the community and they will have to hire more employees to meet the demand.

5. These minimum wage jobs are unimportant and do not require any special skills
Seriously? Minimum wage workers prepare your food, care for your children and pets and make and sell the products you use every day. Do you really want unskilled workers caring for your infant child while you're at work? I think not. How safe do you feel about the prospect of eating hamburgers prepared by people who haven't learned about food safety?

When you go to work at MacDonald's, you have to learn food safety. You have to learn how to work the cash register and their myriad food-like substance creating machines. These are all skills you are learning. And while you're learning these skills, you are slowing down the productivity of the entire operation. And in a few months when someone offers you $8.50 to go work at Wendy's, you're going to take your skills and go. And when someone offers you $9.00 to work at 5 Guys, you're going to take your skills and go again until finally someone says "Hey, you can work in my office for $15 an hour and actually eat real food occasionally" all those skills just went to hell. All the effort someone put into teaching you those skills were wasted. Even if you HATE working in an office and LOVE working fast food, you will leave and your former employer is going to have to teach someone else that skill set and it's going to have a negative impact on his productivity.

What if instead you learned all those skills and stayed. What if your employer valued your skills and paid you a living wage and when you were offered a job from another store he was willing to pay you more to keep you? Then when your friend came along and said "Hey you can make $15 per hour working in my office" you might say "You know what, I think I can continue making $12 an hour doing something I love and I am good at." And your friend would have a better office worker in the end, because he'd hire someone who didn't hate the job and already had the skillset.


I know, I sound a little Communist here, but I really believe everyone should do what they are good at and what they love. I believe that if everyone could survive doing what they are good at, that everyone would receive better service, better care and better products. This can not happen when the wage disparity is so great.

What confuses me is that people make lots of money sitting in offices typing numbers into spreadsheets while other people are sweating over hot grills, dealing with angry customers and cleaning up other peoples' crap and making barely enough to survive. That's unnatural. Or at least it should be. My husband says the people who work the hardest make the least, and in many cases I think this is true, but it's stupid. The people we as a society depend on deserve more. We need to remember that we depend on them and treat them accordingly.

Witchcraft on Bones

When I was an Anthropology major in college I wanted to be a Forensic Anthropologist, just like Bones! This show has been recommended to me for years, but I haven't got a TV. Recently I started checking out various TV shows on Hulu and I have discovered such wonders as Lost, Dead Like Me, and... when I found out May 6th's episode of Bones was all about Witchcraft I thought I'd check that out too.

Did I like it? Well... it was entertaining. It was friggin' weird and predictably made witches seem, well, wacky. There's some wacky witches out there, some of them are my dear friends and one of them is myself, but we don't mess with dead cats or have dead bodies in our closets and I've yet to meet one who claimed to make someone's hair fall out (cool trick though). I was actually more insulted as an Anthropologist than a witch. I was appalled by the idea of an Anthropologist "observing" a Wiccan ritual without them knowing they were being observed. Very unethical... Of course it all wrapped up with a pat outcome as series's do which is one of the many reasons I gave up TV all those years ago in the first place.

Anyway. You can check it out yourself.

Thinking About Health Care (what choice do I have?)

I admit it, I'm bitter. I've been working the same soul sucking dead end job for the past five years and before that it was the same job, different place.

Why? Because it's safe.

I work in an office with lots of other moms like me. I don't do it for the money or job satisfaction. I have a second job to buy groceries and without my husband's income I could barely put a dent in our bills. I work in an airless office where I am expected sit in one spot with nothing but my fingers moving for 60% of my waking life for the free health insurance. One day, when those kids have their own insurance (or my husband finally gets a job that includes health insurance) and I don't have to be responsible anymore I just might follow a dream that doesn't involve the carpal tunnel syndrome and the secretary spread. Because writers and dog trainers don't get health insurance as a rule and they don't tend to make enough money starting out to pay the $300+ or so a month to afford health insurance for a family of 4.

When Obama first started talking about health care reform, I started daydreaming. Yes, I could start training full time. I could spend my spare time writing in a regular meaningful way because I would finally be able to afford health care without depending on the corporate vampires. Maybe, but maybe not. A girl can dream.

I can't get away from health care now. It's on NPR, it's in the paper, it's in my email and I'm pretty sure if I had a TV I would be saying it's on there too. The things they are saying about this reform is alarming and it makes me feel awfully silly for ever having had a daydream.

Here's a look at some of the things I've heard, and this Pagan mom's thoughts on them:

Health care reform, or health insurance reform?
The health insurance companies seem to be right on board with this whole reform thing and that makes me suspicious. Why? Because I don't trust health insurance companies.

Think about it: they would charge me $300 a month to pay 70% of my health insurance costs after a $5000 deductable. What are the chances I'm going to pay more than $5000 in health care, even with two kids? After we've all paid for our physicals & the blood tests that go with them, we'd still need to go for about 10 more visits throughout the year - all including tests, to break $5000. It's a gamble. It's a racket. Health insurance is like a casino. They are betting you don't get sick enough collect back any of the money you gave them and you're betting you are. Meanwhile, if you put that $300 a month in the bank, you've got $3600 to spend on whatever health care you want with no middle man.

But I'm a mother, and everyone knows that responsible mothers insure their children, in case they get cancer or something. So you pay the racket. Insurance companies are like the mafia that runs the neighborhood- if you don't play by their rules you're a pariah.

Which brings me to my next concern.

Mandates.
Some folks are pushing to require everyone to be covered or... what? We get fined? Maybe individuals (maybe not) but certainly employers. Does that include my dog training boss, even though I'm an independent contractor? I don't know. But I highly suspect if he had such a mandate he'd suck it up, with a tear in his eye, and skulk back to corporate hell. Is it good for the economy to put more strain on employers? I don't think so. There are likely going to be exceptions for small companies with only a few employees and probably independent contractors won't count.

If not, I suspect we're going to see a lot of small businesses close down. Of course I live in Michigan which is the worst place in the country (as far as I know) to start your own business. Maybe elsewhere it wouldn't hurt so much.

And when we go back to the idea of insurance companies being a racket, what if you don't want to buy into it? What if you decide, "You know what, I'm a healthy person, in the prime of life, I eat well, I exercise, I am rarely ever sick. When I am sick, I go to a holistic practitioner who doesn't take insurance anyway and most insurance companies wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole if he did. So I think I'm going to take that $300 (or more) a month I spent on insurance and put it in a bank account and pay for my own health care in cash." (Of course I can't make that choice because I'd be a Bad Mother, but if I didn't have kids, I would have a long time ago.)

Now I know what everyone says because I've heard them say it, "But what if you get cancer?" Well, it's my right, isn't it, to decide whether or not I am going to even bother treating my cancer. There is something to be said about dying gracefully and I would rather make that choice than have an insurance company make that choice for me.

In my dream world, I would decide what tests I got and go get them without waiting for my doctor's permission and my HMO's approval. Then I'd get online and read the results myself, consulting with the doctor of MY choice. If I had pain, I would go to the practitioner of MY choice, as it is, I already have to pay for holistic practitioners and a chiropractor out of pocket and he's the one who noticed my legs were slightly different lengths finally solving the mystery that years of intermittent physical therapy (when the doctor gave into my pleading and the HMO approved it) and muscle relaxers could do nothing for.

I don't like mandates because I don't like insurance companies. I don't think we should have to be insured. Yes, there are some people who can't handle their own health care without the guidance of a primary care physician. There are some who have chronic diseases that need supervision, there are those who just have no clue about health and disease and there are those who simply do better following schedules and getting advice. Then there are people who like to handle it themselves and I think they should be allowed to. We don't all need to be sheep.

At the very least I'd like to be able to fire my doctor without asking my HMO for permission and waiting a month for it to be effective.

Concern about "heath care shortages"

So I heard through the grapevine that there is a commercial on TV about how when everyone has access to health care there won't be enough doctors to go around and we're all going to have to wait and wait and wait.

First, I think it's rather appalling to say in effect "Dude, if all the poor people can go to the doctor than all the rich folks will be inconvenienced!"

Because I'll tell you something, us middle class folks, we wait and wait and wait. When I had to go to physical therapy, I had to wait six weeks for an appointment SIX WEEKS. Can you imagine going six weeks with constant pain? If I had to reschedule any of my appointments, I had to do it six weeks out. (I was lucky, two of my coworkers on the same HMO got their physical therapy denied recently, one has fibromyalgia and the other is recovering from a broken ankle.)

The last time I made an appointment for a physical it took nearly as long to get in to see my primary care physician. When I got there, even though I had an appointment, I waited 3 hours in the office before I was seen. Have you ever been to the emergency room? If you think there's any chance at all you're not going to die and you've got anything else going on in the next 48 hours, you're better off staying home. Let the doc re-break that arm and set it in six weeks when you can get an appointment.

We already have a health care shortage. It's been in the news for years. Rich peoples' doctors aren't going to add to their case loads. Doctors have a maximum of how many new patients they will take and then they stop taking them. The rich folks are safe. The middle class folks are screwed anyway so who cares and the poor folks, well they get to buy into the racket now.

The insurance companies are all a-twitter and they should be. Not only is their scam legal, it's proscribed. It's really alarming.

Love it or hate it?

So am I against health care reform. No. I'm not. Health care is screwed up, we need to do what we can to make it better. Personally, I'd prefer an all or nothing approach. Give us state funded health care or strip the insurance companies of their power and legality.

Without insurance companies we'd use our cash to pay for health care and we can set up subsidies for poor folks. Without the insurance companies, doctors and hospitals would have to compete on price which would make things more affordable. Or they could all be government employees and leave us out of it altogether. Personally, I'm for the hands off approach, but I've not met a single person who doesn't want to shout me down on that. Still, I should have the option not to sell my soul to an insurance company.

I'll take what I can get but it should be something that allows people more health care independence, not less. I think of all the people like me who hesitate to start their own businesses because of the health care issue. Those people could provide jobs for other people, if only it didn't mean living under the threat of not being able to receive health care when you need it. This is why health care needs to be fixed, so that our workforce has the freedom to grow our economy.
Yea, I'm selfish. I'm a capitalist.

Abortion, Fertility and Kids... Oh my...

Abortion has been in the news due to the murder of Dr Tiller in Kansas by an anti-abortion activist and this has got me thinking about ... abortion and about kids. The truth is, anti-abortionists aren't thinking about what's best for kids and most abortion rights supporters actually really like kids. It's so complicated but the media wants to paint it all in black and white. You can't do that.

The decision to have (or not have) a child is quite possibly the most complicated decision of one's life. (Assuming you are sane) If you marry the wrong spouse, you can divorce. If you choose the wrong career, you can quit your job and find a new one. If you chose the wrong major in college, you can go back to college. If you buy the wrong house, assuming the economy hasn't totally tanked, you can sell it and buy another one. But if you have a child you aren't ready for, you're stuck with it. Forever. Yes, you can give it up in its first year when it's cute and looks at you adoringly and doesn't amazing things like sit up, crawl, stand and walk for the first time and you're all hopped up on oxytocin (not to be confused with oxycontin may also be helpful, but isn't recommended) and not thinking clearly anyway. But after that, when the little beast starts talking back, breaking your crap, embarrassing you in public, biting his teachers, skipping school, fighting, lying, cheating, stealing and bringing unsavory characters into your home- he's all yours. No matter what. Unless of course he breaks the law and then you get to send him to Juvey and spend sleepless nights wondering if he's okay, if he's eating right, if the other delinquents are nice to him. And of course, whatever happens, it will be your fault entirely.

Furthermore, you will sink more money into this giant mess-making, stuff "borrowing", back talking garbage disposal than anything else in your whole life- ever. He will cost more than your house, your car, your college education and all the clothes you've ever bought in your life combined. And that's not the worst of it, this ungrateful being that burst forth from your loins (Never asking to be born she will remind you later) has the power in her breast to cause you more emotional pain and trauma than any other being you will ever encounter.

This you must bear all the while keeping in mind that this monster who has taken over your entire life and puked, peed or pooped on all the best parts of it is a child with a delicate psyche and a mind like a sponge that you must not pollute with your own angst but instead allow to grow and expand, to learn about the world, to develop self-discipline, values, and dreams all its own (to be crushed by your grandchildren, of course). You must strive every day give this beautiful, perfect gift from the Goddess all of the things we wish our parents could have given us. Every decision that you make must be weighed against how it will affect the dear gift's feelings, living situation, education, health, security, and the amount of time you have to spend indoctrinating him.

So if you're going to have a kid, you better damn well be ready.

There are many reasons for having a kid. I can't think of a good one. I know I had my first child because I wanted something of my own that would love me. I should've gotten a dog. I had my second because I thought my first should have a sibling. I actually hold by that decision and think it was a good one, but if I'd gotten a dog in the first place, I could've just gotten another dog. Not long ago, when I got married I decided I wanted to have a child with my husband as a symbol of our love... or something. He got me a ring and told me to get over it. Thank Goodness!

Some other very bad reasons to have children:

• To "save" your relationship (It won't. It'll just make it worse.) or to make someone love you more (If he doesn't love you now do you think he's going to love you when you're bloated and sleepless? Hah.)
• 
  Because your mother or father wants grandchildren (it's probably out of spite)
• 
  The Quiverfull movement, otherwise known as Clowncar Vaginas for Jesus, is all about having as many children as you can so that you can indoctrinate them with Christianity, thus building up the ranks of Christians. This seems like child exploitation to me. (Didn't the Nazis have a similar plan? Does that creep anyone else out?)
  
  Of course there's the Duggar Family who have elevated this concept to a very public art and are all about showing off the efficacy of their gonads for the glory of the Lord- but at least they have them naturally.
• The latest and greatest, Nadya Suleman who, despite the fact that she was broke and on disability somehow managed to have herself repeatedly implanted with dozens of embryos on her way to fame. Her reason seems to be simply that she's nuts and she's looking for a book deal.
  
  Of course, it's not new or unique in our day and age when the exploitation of huge amounts of children is fashionable. Take TLC's Jon & Kate Make 8 which not only exploits children but publically embarrasses them by splattering the exploits of their idiot parents all over the tabloids.
  

Children are much like pets. If you have more than two or three, you start running into problems paying for their food and medical care. It helps, I suppose, to become a reality TV show so you can afford all your cute funny pets. Of course, if I had that many dogs in my house, and was planning to continue to breed indiscriminately, my neighbors would complain (with good reason), the dogs would be seized and I'd likely be the subject of the next town hall meeting.

There are so few good reasons to have children and so many good reasons to keep your family sizes small:

• If you give birth to large litters of children (which rarely happens without the help of modern science) how are you supposed to breast feed those kids? If you don't breast feed them, you know you're not giving them the best start and you're not getting those hormones the Goddess in Her wisdom provided us to prevent infanticide.
• The more kids you have, the less individual attention you can provide each one. The less you can spend on things like tutors, lessons, vacations, summer camp, school field trips, etc. for each one.
  
• The carbon footprint of the average American is 20 metric tons. Every child that is born represents a new footprint. Consider.
  

But there are no marches on Washington to end this ridiculous rash of reproduction. No. Instead people are marching to make abortion illegal. Nobody shoots fertility doctors. They shoot abortion doctors. (Not that I advocate shooting anyone, mind you) While I realize not all fertility doctors encourage people to give birth to ridiculous amounts of infants at a time but each child that a fertility doctor helps produce represents not only that 20 metric ton carbon footprint, but another child languishing in foster care somewhere. Think about it. If Jon and Kate had adopted 8 kids instead of given birth to 8, sure they might not be getting the TLC paycheck right now, but they'd be more worthy of respect.

Now nobody likes abortion and nobody likes the idea of abortion- including abortion doctors, I am sure. But abortion doctors provide necessary services to adults and children alike:

• Since so many people would rather turn to fertility treatments than adoption to get their "Hey look this creature has no choice but to love me" fix, abortion doctors provide a valuable service helping to keep our foster care system from being even more over crowded than it already is.
  
• Since many abusive men will use pregnancy as a means to control the women they have chosen to victimize, abortion doctors serve a valuable role in the fight against domestic violence.
• Since sexual crimes against women and children still run rampant through our culture, abortion doctors help victims of rape and incest to heal by taking away one worry, so they can focus on the rest.
• Since the occasional woman who already has enough kids and can't afford anymore or can't take time off to have another child has an accidental pregnancy, abortion doctors help keep existing families together and functioning.
  
• Since many low-income women are cognizant of the fact that having a child may require them to seek public assistance to continue to survive, abortion doctors help keep taxes from being raised even more.
• Since women and girls facing unwanted pregnancies will continue to seek abortions by whatever means available to them, whether they be herbal means, coathangers or so-called backalley abortions if safe abortion services are not available to them abortion doctors save lives.

Do I think everyone should go run out and have an abortion? No. Do I think abortion should be used as a means for birth control? No. Do I hate fertility doctors? No. I don't think laws restricting abortion or fertility treatments are appropriate but I can't get my brain around a society that celebrates the clown car vagina while while tearing itself apart over the abortion issue. What we need is some common sense and some responsibility.

I don't believe in abortion, I think it's a terrible thing. That's why I use condoms and I teach my children to use condoms every time- so that my family never has to deal with that decision. That's why I tell them condoms aren't enough and teach them about various methods available to them and how their bodies work all the while trying to instill that sex is sacred, that sex is divine union, that reproduction is the most fabulous power given to mankind and that it must be wielded responsibly.

I love my children and I am amazed every day that they came from me, these fabulous fascinating (and at times cruel) beings that have shaped my world for the last 16 years and will continue to do so till I die. I want them to feel that same fascination and I don't want it to be cheapened because they are overwhelmed with a litter of 6 or riddled with guilt over an abortion. But if it comes down to it, it's not my decision, it's my daughter's or that of my son's partner. It is they that must think on how a new little life that they create will affect their life- until death- and whether or not they can deal with it. Because frankly, if a woman isn't ready to be a mother, she shouldn't have a child.

On Ron Paul

Never in my life have I seen a candidate so enthousiastically endorsed by the Pagan community. I had originally thought it was just local. At Pagan events "Ron Paul, Ron Paul", I go to visit my Pagan friends and "Ron Paul, Ron Paul." But lo, it's all over the internet too.

Here are some examples:
An Open Letter to the Pagan Community and at the Pagan Temple Blog, and RitualMagick's Pagans for Ron Paul

While I'm pretty confident that I (sadly) know politics well enough to know that this guy is going to go roughly nowhere, it sort of disturbs me that Pagans should so strongly through their support behind this guy. Granted, most of the really enthousiastic folks are male, but not all. Now Ron Paul may have more Pagan-friendly stances on things, but they aren't exactly woman friendly and he seems to think the Earth is badly in need of overpopulation. What else could a man with FIVE kids and SEVENTEEN grandkids who adamantly opposes abortion and supports legislation that says life begins at conception? Think about what this means; to end a pregnancy even at less that four weeks- when you're dealing with nothing more than a bundle of cells- could be considered murder. Forget about the hard won morning after pill. And IUDs could theoretically be outlawed as well because they prevent implantation, but not fertilization. What is conception? Is it implantation or fertilization? I don't know! What I do know is that outlawing abortion is dangerous and wrong. For someone who claims to believe in medical freedom and personal responsibility, this is quite the oxymoron, isn't it? Where are all those extra, unwanted babies (especially the drug addicted and handicapped ones) going to go? Who is going to support the families who end up with one too many kids to support? What about those women in abusive relationships who are repeatedly impregnated as a control measure. You think I'm making this shit up? It's very real, I assure you. Pregnant teenagers are the worst of our problems when talking about abortion. And let's not miss the biggest point of all. The last thing our Mother Earth needs is more human children. The human population is estimated at 6.6 billion and is expected to reach 9 billion by 2050. That's rediculous, and unnecessary. What do we need all those people for? Of course, I would like to see artificial means of conception outlawed before I saw abortion outlawed. But I care about the Earth and you should too. Have two kids. If you can't, adopt. If you want more, adopt. What we need is adoption laws that aren't so weird and convoluted and biased toward Christianity.

Now it's all very fun and exciting to talk about freedom, liberty, personal responsibility, etc. However, this guy is talking about pulling out of the UN. All I can say is, "What the fuck?". You don't just pull out of the UN. The UN is about international cooperation. Does he have a plan, something to replace the UN? No. He just wants to be isolationist. That's not a Pagan value at all. We are the world (to quote an old and rather annoying song that will now, unfortunately be stuck in my head for the rest of the day now that I've typed it.) and there are some issues in the world that cannot be solved without cooperation. He talks about the environment, which we as Pagans have top on our lists of issues to care about, but real environmental impact is beyond a single nation. We need to cooperate with other nations to protect the Earth. They are our brothers and sisters, we cannot just turn out backs on them and we can't make a difference without them!

Finally, the idea of educational freedom is great and fantastic. He wants to abolish the Department of Education and he wants us all to build and send our kids to private schools. Great. Who is paying for that? Oh yea, $5000 tax credits (but he wants to abolish income taxes, so what taxes exactly are we talking about?). But private school is $20K plus a year. And he's a huge proponent of Homeschooling. Well, guess what, so am I! But I don't have time to do it and I would starve if I quit my job to do it. (You all that do it, Kudos to you!). So now we have no federally funded public schools, they're entirely under the state's financial umbrella?(I guess that's okay if you're not from Michigan) Or are we doing away with public schools altogether? I agree with him. Public schools are failing our students. But there has to be a better option.

Finally, he wants to lift a bunch of firearms bans. Okay, great. I support the right of sane people to have guns and I agree that the current gun laws are pretty much bullshit. They are too restrictive in one way and not restrictive enough in another way. We need background checks. We do not need to lift all laws. That's silly. Guns are silly. I hate guns. They are loud and inelegant. Yet you can get arrested for an atheme.
Hm

In summary. I think Mr. Ron Paul lives in fairyland. Just because we are Pagans, doesn't mean we have to join him there.

But don't listen to me. You need to decide for yourself. http://www.ronpaul2008.com/
Be sure especially to check out http://www.ronpaul2008.com/articles/?tag=Religion
http://www.ronpaul2008.com/articles/?tag=Abortion

Unfortunately, we all have to vote for the lesser of evils and he may well be it. But do vote. Democracy is a Pagan ideal. It honors our Gods to engage in it.