Monday, March 4, 2013

I Am a Creature of Air

So my goals of late have been focused on my body and that's a good thing. My body is a much neglected part of my life. I have been thinking about why that is and why it's so difficult for me to focus on improving it and then I realized that it's mostly because I don't give a shit about it. I just don't think about it much.

This morning I was getting ready for my day. I washed and moisturized and brushed my hair and put it up. I didn't do any of these things because I wanted to. And I didn't do any of them because they give me particular pleasure. I do these things every day because I have to, and I am rather annoyed that I have to. You see, I wash so as not to offend anyone with my stink. I moisturize because if I don't then when I train dogs it won't be damaged as easily when they scratch or mouth me. I brush my hair so I can get it in the ponytail which it must be in or it falls in my face when I bend down to handle a dog- and annoys the hell out of me. I only have hair because my husband reacts with horror whenever I suggest that I want to shave it all off.

My body is nothing much to me. It is a vessel to move me from one mental experience to another. After writing my article about elements on Friday and thinking about how annoying my body is, I realized that I am suffering from a severe lack of the Earth element. It is no wonder that I crave carbs like I do. It's no wonder exercise is abhorrent to me. I am a mental creature. A creature of air. I haven't always been this way, at least not to this extreme. But now here I am.

The first thing I realize I'm going to have to do to rectify this situation is to get a little self-discipline. Honestly, this is not an easy thing for a creature of air to do. I'm going to have to get creative.

I am also going to have to focus a little more on my balance. The excess Air element I carry probably has something to do with the high anxiety state I've found myself in for the past few months. There was a time when my mental health issue was depression. Meditation will help me here. I need to establish a daily routine of elemental balance meditation. We're back then to that self-discipline.

Another thing I'm going to have to do is spend some time enjoying my skin. There are things I have in the past enjoyed in my skin. Sex, something I don't do often enough since the baby was born. Dancing, I can't remember the last time I went dancing. Gardening, well, I'll have to wait for spring for that. Houseplants aren't even an option since the cat and the baby are united against all houseplants. Baking, I have been avoiding baking because it results in things that make one chubby...

I will have to give this more thought.